I’m writing this letter to inform you that your sons, Heat and Snow are either confused or highly disturbed. I feel that I can tell you this because of the bond you and I acquired when I was a newly divorced woman and you sent a good majority of the hurricanes to the state my ex resides in.
You see, last week, the sun was shining and I was elated. So elated in fact that one of my neighbors accused me of being
because he caught me acting out of character. I was actually nice. When I explained that it was the sun by singing the words of John Denver–”Sunshine on my shoulders, makes me happy.” He still didn’t buy it. I’m pretty sure he’s now very afraid of me. This week, however has me behaving like my true Zodiac sign–Cancer. I’m burrowed beneath the sand, holed up in my shell. I’m crabby because it’s freezing and it’s almost May!
Perhaps, Snow Miser is upset and or jealous because while I usually prefer tall men I simply can’t resist Heat’s warm personality and cozy charm. Quite frankly, Heat has melted my heart.
I would deeply appreciate it if you could step in and make your boys come to some sort of compromise like you did back in 1974. And while you’re at it, if you could tell Jack Frost that his nipping at my nose is quite old and getting more than a little annoying, I’d appreciate it.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.